Losing the Weight

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Join me today with Isabella, a bubbly and kind-hearted young adult, who has learnt to trust the process in falling in love with yourself...

WARNING: This story mentions bulimia and anorexia.

Losing the Weight: "This has been a very long and emotional journey, but it was definitely worth it! I have finally found my inner peace, learning to accept and love ALL of me; to the point, I wouldn't change anything about me. Of course, I still have occasional days where I feel a bit down about myself, but I still do things that would then make me feel better! But, in order for you to understand, I have to take you to the very beginning." Isabella is an 18-year-old student, who loved to play sports as she grew up. She would call herself a competitive person, participating in numerous sports and dreaming of becoming an Olympic swimmer. This dream, however, would be shattered by an injury, which would additionally spark her long and devastating race: "Due to doing so many sports, I needed to have surgery. I always ate really well and never really cared about my food consumption as I was always active. However, after my surgery, I became weary of
what I ate due to not being active. I decided to cut back on calories as at the time I thought that if I was ‘bigger’ I wouldn’t be as athletic as I was." "I also had a competition coming up in 2 weeks so I tried my best for my scar to heal quickly so I could compete again. But being competitive got in the way as I was doing ‘my’ way and not the doctors way of resting I was told I would have surgery again in a year and I was truly devastated. I knew my dreams for the Olympics were crushed but that still wouldn’t stop me. I carried on being active until my next operation thinking that the healing would follow the same process but it didn’t. This took twice as long as the first one and for a week I just stayed in bed and all I could think about was how I would ‘gain’ weight." Aspirations were suddenly plucked from her life, but it was in this absence she discovered a hidden treasure she would..."fall in love" with: "I looked online and in magazines to see how to lose weight and lots of different diets and methods came up,  so I decided to try some and it worked. I was losing a bit and was happy about it. Once I was fully healed, I decided not to do competitions anymore and just started to do more running and I fell in love. I started running once a week, then every other day until it became twice a day. I loved the feeling I felt from it but I decided that I would stick to the diets so I could ‘maintain’...this was not the case. As I was doing a large amount of cardio to small amounts of food, the weight just fell off and I  ‘fell’ in love with it."

Despite always being "quite small", her structures and routines stripped away more layers; to the point that others began to notice, too: 

"I went on holiday when I was 14, which is when my parents noticed that I was a lot smaller and confronted me about it. I shrugged it off and lied but from then it spiralled out of control: I started searching more ways to lose weight I found one way I hadn’t tried. I decided to try purging after my meals as well and I did this daily; I was addicted to the feeling of it, so occasionally I would indulge in food and then try." 

"After a couple of months my friends noticed and confronted me, but I still shrugged it off. I started to get some comments on how I looked like ‘concentration camp girl’ ‘skeleton’ ‘bag of bone’ and many more...As much as it hurt me, I ignored it and just kept doing it and moved schools. My parents caught on and refused to let me run and go to the toilet after meals. I convinced them that I would try to ‘recover’ but I decided to continue and take it to the extreme. I was running 10k a day eating less than 500 calories and making sure that it would not stay down at all times." 

"It took a turn for the worse as I started barely turning up to school as I would feel faint, look very pale and blackout. I would just get sent back home. My friend told a teacher and they confronted me and I kept trying to deny what was very obvious to them."

But after the continuous confrontations, she decided that she did have a problem with her relationship to food and to her own self-worth:

"I got referred to specialists who diagnosed me with anorexia and bulimia and I had to see them weekly for weigh-ins and blood pressure checks; I had a weekly blood test yet somehow I still couldn’t admit to myself I was suffering. I continued doing what I was doing but lying to cover it all up. However, a week before my holiday, I had a surprise weigh-in so I couldn’t down water to lie. When I stepped on that scale I knew what they would say and they said that I couldn’t go on holiday anymore and that I would have to be admitted."

"That is when I knew I hit rock bottom yet I still tried to ignore it."

Isabella was able to convince her parents so that she could go on holiday. The change in the setting would not also change, but also the attitudes upon her condition:

"I knew It had to change."

"I started to eat more and more until I came back and hit a healthy weight. I had monthly weigh-ins instead until we knew I no longer needed them. I carried on eating well and was allowed to do whatever exercise I liked and I decided to try going to the gym. At first, I was doing cardio, but then I started doing weights and I fell in love, for real this time. I knew that this was my new passion! I also started to do things I loved again. I saw my friends more, I was nicer to people and I was just living and having fun with no worries at all..."

"Now I am 18 and am strong, independent and very confident and am completely in love with myself 1000% I love the gym more than anything and it is my passion."

As Isabella rightly says, no self-love story is the same but every story is valid and equal. To conclude this story, we can reflect upon Isabelle's words and let it soak in, almost as if you are reading a poem: 

"Trust the process.

-It may be long and tiring but never give up and keep fighting.

-It isn’t easy at all but in the end, it will be 100% worth it.

-Stop being so harsh on yourself and comparing yourself to others whether that’s peers or celebrities-just stop! Images firstly are deceiving and can be photo-shopped but we are ALL beautiful and different and that is for a reason so embrace it! 

-Just be you 100% and don’t mask yourself for others; if they don’t like you, so be it and let them go. Just be you. 

-Self-love and body confidence comes from within you and being at peace with all of you and accepting the fact that you have flaws. We all do, but that’s what makes us different and beautiful! 

-The only opinion that matters is mine as this is MY life and I will do what I want with it. Finding self-love doesn’t just happen overnight as it is also a process but slowly (by ignoring others), prevents you from comparing yourself and just embracing. Take a deep breath, it will happen. 

-There will still be days where you feel down, I get them, but do what YOU can do and love to do so you feel better and make sure that one day doesn’t turn into a week. One thing I always do I look at my flaws and just smile and love it as it is what makes me, me! No one else looks like me or can be me, only I can be me so I may as well love me.

-You should be your own priority, which sounds selfish but it isn’t putting yourself first, your health first and focus on you only. Just think about you and all your flaws your imperfections and what you ‘hate’ but now no one else has that-only you embrace it and learn to love it. 

-Self-love and body confidence isn’t learnt through others it is taught and learnt by you and what you do, so think positively about yourself and be kinder to yourself and don’t be strict-this will overwhelm you, so just take a breath and relax and love yourself and realise your perfect being you, no one can replace you.

-One major thing I live by and always remember is that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed but today is! So just do you as tomorrow may not come; why spend your day hating and being negative, just be free with yourself and do what you love and never look back or regret it. I never regret anything ever as that is being negative!

-Positive vibez only and forever. Love yourself, love others, express yourself and live free and happy forever!"

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IMPORTANT: If you are going through the same, similar or worse scenario, you are not alone. Please be sure to seek help from professionals, family and/or friends. No one deserves to go through this-you are worthy enough. 

Visit https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ today to get the professional help you need. They are the UK’s eating disorder charity, who exists to end the pain and suffering caused by eating disorders. They are a champion, guide and friend to anyone affected, giving individuals experiencing an eating disorder and their loved ones a place where they feel listened to, supported and empowered.

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