Level One Complete:

Hello and welcome to OURSTORY, a platform accessible for all to present individuals stories right in front of your very eyes. My mission is to have as many voices heard as possible so that we can all be brought together as one community and to hopefully expose that we are all not that different.

Join me today with Elianne Lupata, an aspiring digital marketer, who is bracing her steps into a new world overflowing with personal discovery...


Level One Complete:

Elianne Lupata is a Congolese, 16-year-old who was raised in Brighton. Despite her confident and charismatic character, Elianne feels that she has newly uncovered her own value. Growing up, she often felt compelled to compare herself to others in her environment, but there was one thing that reassured her during her troubling times:

"In my family, I know I'm loved, let's be real, we are all loved by our families and that value is always there! Even if I am shouting at my mum and when my brother is being annoying; I just know they have the respect for me as the older sister (even though my siblings don't show that)."

The appreciation, love, and respect subconsciously persist. This reassurance, however, may be hard to stick with us as we venture beyond our comforting homes:

"When it comes to the outside world, that's when you need to set the bar up for yourself. Growing up, I felt I was very influenced by my environment. I was taking in the information, even copying it but obviously, I was young-everyone was doing it! I was always doing something that they were doing."

Scientifically speaking, it is completely natural for young children to emulate one another. This is why it's very hard for individuals to shape themselves as they are still discovering. It is dangerous for this shadow to drag alongside us as we develop and enter new chapters in our lives, which is what Elianne began to discover very quickly:

"In year 7, you're still: the girl from year 6, still trying to learn and discover yourself. Throughout years 7, 8 and 9, I didn't show who Elianne was. Everything I was doing was not the things I'd do at home, and I often compared my home self to my school self and there was a big difference."

This act Elianne continued to mime not only caused her to catalyze her understanding of who she is and her value, but also the things she was missing out on:

"I felt that in my friendship group I didn't get valued enough. I could see in behavior around me that forced me to think, 'Elianne: are you sure that you can call them your friends?'. This was whilst I was sitting around with them at the table! The thing is that I didn't have anyone to go to and I didn't get the opportunity to call that one person my 'best friend', which would have been the right time and place. As time went on, I ended up giving up on my friends. Sure I would try in certain areas, but most of the time I knew it would just be to their pleasing."

Silence. Elianne sat in silence and waited for someone to talk to her; sick and tired of the regular routine. Uncomfortable in this silence, she noticed that there was one person who had the potential to draw her up from her introverted and solitary shell:

"She was the opposite of me. She was out there, expressing herself, talking about her family and I thought, 'Wow this is a good girl to hang out with.'. At the same time though, she was friends with everyone and we never had the time to be intimate and create that bond. Everyone knew her and talked to her!"

It was evident that the potential was there, but it wasn't enough for a solid bond to be made and cherished..this is when Elianne decided to say-

"It's time to stop. I couldn't exactly tell the group that I didn't want to be friends with them anymore, but the separation was almost natural. No conversations were flowing even if I put in my energy and effort into a conversation. It was coming out natural to them, but for me, it was: 'think of something Elianne. Prepare questions for them Elianne. Do something for them Elianne. Try to give an honest reaction Elianne. They aren't bad people, it just didn't feel right anymore."

She felt she was just "the member" of the group. She couldn't reveal the true Elianne that was secretly growing outside of the canteen table and she felt that the group looked better without her in it. She couldn't bring her personal problems to the table and none honestly knew her.

In that heart of gold she knew that if she walked out of that nostalgia, none would have cared, never mind notice...

And hated knowing this.

Year 11 reassured her despite this. It was a year where Elianne decided to decipher what she didn't like about herself and change for the better. She cut ties with worthless friendships and locked away the painful let-downs that frequently occurred in her life:

"From them, I learned about the things I want to gain and need from a friendship, especially just a sense of being cared about. I feel that I have to restart, and I hate that it is this way as you always hear about people being friends since high school. It makes me sad, but, I know its not the end. I might be more alone than I ever have been, but I know I'm not here to waste my time. I apologize for the things I've done, but I can be Elianne now and show and gain and learn from someone else-and obviously not be naturally excluded! I feel like I've been fighting a battle on my own. I know you cannot do everything on your own and I want an outside voice-like another mother!"

"I'm willing after everything I've been through to make new friendships and be more patient in the process of making friends, but most importantly, be more open and as Elianne as I can be! Who I am at home is crazy-fun and I like that person and I'm going to embrace in being who that person is by breaking down that wall I've built up. I'm still learning and growing but I know this is just level one. Those who are bringing me down are not a part of my level one. Level two will allow me to change and make new friends and do more things..but level three? Who knows! I'm waiting for that to come my way."

To wrap this story to a close, I asked Elianne for advice to everyone out there from her traumatic experience, and this is what she said:

"Challenge people and problems that are arising. If you like what you see from the challenge, continue on, but if not, have confidence in clarifying and setting your personal bar for friendship. Likewise to one of my friends who was in the group (who inspired me), embrace being an outcast and cherish the quality time of your growth. Release yourself from your cage!"

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