The Throw Away Phrase:

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Join me today with Abi, a comical and authentic teenager, who explains her daily hustle with a well-known, yet often misinterpreted disorder... 

The Throw Away Phrase:

"OCD is not an adjective and shouldn’t be used like one. The phrase “I’m OCD.” is so commonly misused and thrown away by so many people. For people who actually suffer from OCD, this comment drives us up the walls!"

Abi is a British, sixteen-year-old, cruising by the chaotic, but sometimes lovely shores of the UK. However, in the midst of the serenity, the rocky waves seemed to have invaded into her daily routine:

"I’m pretty sure OCD is something I’ve always had; I can’t remember a time where I haven’t been flooded with obsessions and compulsions. As a young child, I wasn’t really aware of any symptoms of OCD, and neither were my parents. However, I do remember always having the constant urge to live by the rule of ‘Whatever I do, on one hand, I MUST do EXACTLY the same on the other hand. Still, at age 16, I live by that. It’s as minor as scratching my arm with on hand and then the other, to opening and closing the car door with each hand."

"My parents didn’t really notice these little odd behaviours at first, but when my repetitive and constant rituals happened all day, every day, they picked up on it."

This ridged routine has reigned over Abi's mind for more than a decade, and she even remembers her first official compulsion-catalyzed in her very fingertips:

"I touched the tip of every finger to the bottom of my palm over and over again, usually 8 times. If I messed up one of the sequences, I would have to start the whole thing again, which would end up stressing me out. If I don’t do my rituals, routines, sequences (whatever you want to call them), I get an overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen. If I didn’t do my finger routine, I was convinced that somehow, one of my fingers would be cut off! That’s one of the main factors of OCD; the ‘obsession’ is the bad thought or fear, and the ‘compulsion’ is the ritual you do to stop/calm down that thought."

Her "finger-faffing ritual" (as Abi likes to call it) has gradually diluted over the years-it seemed that her OCD was going to say their many, unapologetic sayonaras. This optimism, however, was going to be crushed as she reached the age of 10:

"I truly believe it is caused partly by trauma. One night, my mum and her previous partner got into an argument. Everything kicked off. I hid with my mum in our bathroom. And now, 6 years later, every single time I go into the bathroom, I HAVE to check behind the shower curtain twice, look into all 4 corners of the ceiling 4 times, then all 4 corners of the floor 4 times, then line the bathmat up with the floor tiles and then finally, look at all 4 corners of the weighing scales on the floor, 4 times." 

"This happens every single time I go into the bathroom, just to feel some slight security, otherwise I genuinely, genuinely feel as though something really bad will happen! There are many different rituals I have for many different situations, like going to bed, leaving the house and waking up in the morning."

It's as if Abi had entered a maze; leading her to everlasting dead-ends. Impulses pumping through her veins and anxiety bubbling like a kettle...but if this seems bad, Abi's OCD has recently become much worse:

"Recently, my OCD has been quite bad. For the first time in my life, I’ve started to have little tics (a sudden tense up or flinch). They usually happen if I can’t or failed to do one of my rituals. Suddenly, they started to happen every day, which was scary! I went from never, ever having tics, to having them multiple times a day."

"A few people noticed and, luckily, they didn’t say anything. But it made me worry about people seeing and reacting in a negative way; not understanding that it’s something incredibly stressful for me that I cannot control. I've had friends in that past that I've told and they denied that I had OCD-they told me that I was just overreacting. Luckily, after a long, serious chat, they came round and now see that it’s pretty difficult to see the world through my eyes."

Not all stories have a happy, fairytale ending like we'd like them to. Netherleless, there is always hope and positivity trying to hold hands with the struggles in our lives-and Abi seems to have made this cohesion possible in her own regimented routines: 

"Intrusive thoughts can be scary, trust me, I know how it feels. But they don’t define who you are as a person. When they get bad, try writing them down and keeping track of how often they are and what they are. Just remember, you are not your mind, your true self is your soul."

"It is important to not resist your intrusive thoughts because trying to resist them will increase their frequency. It’s also important to know that it’s okay to talk to people about it and ask for help when you need it; since opening up to my friends about my OCD, I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There is always hope, if your OCD is bad at the moment, it will get easier and things will calm down."

"Living with OCD can be very tricky and stressful, but at the end of the day, it’s just the way my brain works."

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